When I started this blog, I thought I'd be spending more time talking about Jonas. I've surprised myself with how far I've come recently. Sometimes I'll be sitting at work or in class and think "wow, I haven't thought about Jonas the entire day." These thoughts make me feel both proud and extremely sad. I'm proud of how much I've improved since the summer, but sad that the reality of this breakup is really setting. It's times like these -- when I find myself missing Jonas -- that I need to remind myself of the reasons why our relationship was so destructive and why ending it was the right move (even if it wasn't my own decision). Back in June when Jonas decided this was over, I could hardly get myself out of my bed. I was able however, on the insistence of a good friend, to head over to Borders and pick up a book to distract myself. I came home with a few books, including "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." Now, I wasn't the biggest fan of "He's Just Not Into You" -- probably because I was in a relationship with a guy who CLEARLY was no longer into me. This book is different though. It's funny, empathetic, and offers seriously good advice. Even better for the quote lovers out there, it's filled with lots of powerful quotes that I happily wrote on post-its and stuck all over my room.
So in these moments of weakness, when it's 1:20 AM and all I want is to go back to Long Island and crawl into Jonas' bed, I turn to my quotes. I'm reminded of all of the loneliness, pain, jealousy, and unhappiness that came with this relationship. I realize how far I've come and can hopefully once again pick myself up and move on. So for all the heartbroken girls out there, I recommend you get yourself a copy of this book.
But in the meantime, here are some of my favorite quotes to hold you over:
At the end of the day, it’s about whether YOU like yourself enough to face the reality that your romance wasn’t working, to recognize that it wasn’t giving you what you needed and deserved, and to pull yourself out of the dumps and seize the opportunity before you. Because as messed up as everything seems right now, this could be the single best thing that ever happened to you.
And starting today, you’re not the kind of woman who settles for broken or hangs on to damaged goods, be it a radio, a pair of shoes, or a relationship. Your life is not a yard sale. It’s time to get rid of all the broken stuff that you’ve been lugging around for days, months, and maybe even years, and make the bold decision to start looking for stuff that works.
Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.
You are also breaking free from a relationship that wasn’t working. Freedom means no more agonizing, no more drama, and no more time wasted on someone who wasn’t appreciative of who you really are. Freedom means you can redesign your life and the sky’s the limit—you can take all the things you hoped for in your relationship, all your dreams about what love should be and feel and look like, and find a guy who will actually make them happen.
Above all, remember that every step of this process is an opportunity to take care of and honor yourself. Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition. Calling him doesn’t make it better—it only pulls you back into the cycle of heartbreak.
Facing up to what your relationship was actually like—not just remembering or rewriting the good parts, but dealing with how it really was between you and realizing that the breakup makes sense on some level—is perhaps the most critical step you can take in the process of moving on. Besides, who are you trying to impress with your revisions? Your friends and family, who probably know the truth already? Yourself? You don’t need to lie to yourself, especially if you truly love yourself for the totally rocking lady you are. Being honest with yourself won’t hurt you—in fact it’s the only way you’re going to grow from this experience. Avoiding the truth not only prevents you from learning from your mistakes, it also reinforces the belief that you need to fool yourself to get by. Stop teaching yourself that you can’t cope!
This breakup could be the event that not only changes your way of thinking about who you are and what you deserve, but also takes you to places you didn’t know existed.
Real love doesn’t require a strategy—but getting on with your life does.
Make a pact with yourself to try to live the vision of what you want your life to look like. Every time you step outside, you should make an effort to reflect the person you are on your way to becoming, not the shell of the shattered woman he dumped.
And the best revenge is living well, feeling good about yourself, and projecting those feelings out into the world.
You have to learn how to love yourself, and put yourself first before you will ever find the healthy, loving, and lasting relationship you’re looking for. Being number one means you can take care of yourself when no one else will, because there are times in our lives when we are all we have, and knowing that we can get through those times is not only reassuring but a really attractive quality.
You are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you give up to be with that person.
Great accomplishments take time but are always worth the effort.
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