You da you da best, you da best I ever had.
No, this was not just an excuse to bring up one of my favorite 2009 jams. This title has a real purpose!
Every single time I get "back on the wagon" I truly believe that I will remember this feeling forever, and therefore never totally fall off the wagon again. Well it's happened people. The memory of building up my running a year and a half ago is still just as fresh in my mind as it was that first day I couldn't run half a mile. I fully remember the pain, the embarrassment, the hugging and puffing through every second. And yet, here I am, back in the same spot again.
I alluded to my current state of couch potato-ness a bit in the last post but didn't even touch the surface on just how ridiculous it's gotten. Over the summer I went through a couple of hard workout stages. I'd take classes at the gym every day for 2 weeks, take a week off, and so on and so on. My weight was VERY slowly creeping up. I noticed it, but just didn't seem to care. I was having a fun summer and wanted to drink, eat, and lay around all weekend, so that's just what I did.
By the time I moved in September I was down to working out about once/twice a week. I joined a gym in my new neighborhood but just never fell in love with it the way I did with my old gym at school. It is further away, smaller, the classes aren't great, etc. etc. I ran a few times when I first moved but that didn't last long at all. September and October went by and I was working out some weeks every day, and others none at all. By this point my eating was totally out of control -- and not out of control "in context", which I had mentioned in other posts, 100% totally and completely out of control. And you know what? I didn't care.
As the holidays crept closer and the temperatures crept downwards, it became harder and harder to get myself to the gym. I believe I worked out only once or twice between the middle of November until yesterday. For me that's pretty alarming. Even more alarming was that while I was at home for Christmas I went to the doctor and felt afraid/embarrassed to get on the scale, knowing it wold be much higher than the last time I was there. And even worse, I experienced a fear I had never felt before: when the doctor took my blood pressure I was completely frightened that she would give me bad news. This was a total eye opener for me and has really re-lit a bit of fire under my butt. The last two days I've been back to eating more cleanly and went for my first run in far too long on Monday. I could only run 1 mile before I almost passed out, but you gotta start somewhere right?
It's important for me to admit these things even in this semi-private place. This blog has been a really wonderful tool for me to look back and see where I've struggled and where I've accomplished. It's truly a motivator and I hope I can get back to the girl I was when I wrote my half marathon post back in March -- a person whose excitement and passion for fitness and healthy food just can't be contained.
Here's to momentum, progress and consistency!
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