Not a good week. But I'm here anyway, unhappily checking in.
Weight change: +1.8
Reflections:
I really don't understand my body. There are people who gain 2 pounds over the course of a YEAR, and I go out to dinner a few times in a weekend and the hard work of 2 weeks is gone? I'm really frustrated. I'm really embarrassed. I don't understand why I just can't do this. I'm so scared for my future. I'm so scared that I'm going to just continue gaining weight no matter what I do and the scary diseases are going to come sooner rather than later. I hate that I'm not living the life I want. I haven't been active at all and I feel disappointed every time I look in the mirror. My body is suffering the consequences of the extra weight -- I'm sure that my hurting knee has something to do with it and my lower back just hasn't felt right in weeks. I don't know what to do.
Should I go to a nutritionist? I'm scared that the 15 or so years of dieting has done terrible things to my metabolism and the way my body reacts to gains and losses. I really don't know why this is so hard for me. My mom has told me over and over that if *this* is my life struggle, I should feel lucky. And I do feel lucky. I feel perpetually overwhelmed by how blessed I am. But just because it's common doesn't mean being overweight isn't serious. Being overweight is VERY serious and I'm not looking forward to all of those extra things that it comes with (I'm thinking heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, physical pain, mental pain, cancer, etc. etc.).
Okay, letting these thoughts run wild has been both sobering and motivating. On that note....
Goals for this week:
- Continue to make lunch for work everyday
- NO alcohol
- Exercise for some time 6 days this week (I'm adding these to my work calendar)
Thursday: yoga
Friday: strength training
Saturday: yoga
Sunday: walk or rest
Monday: strength training
Tuesday: yoga
Wednesday: walk or rest
I'm tired today. I had another night where I woke up at 3 am from a dream about work. This is really terrible. Basically every weekday night for the past 2 weeks I've dreamt about some event-related work disaster occuring. It's so horrible that it wakes me up in the middle of the night. Then, I can't get back to sleep because I keep thinking about work and writing e-mails in my head. I end up having to watch TV on my computer until I stop thinking about work and can fall back asleep. I always do fall back asleep eventually but I end up losing at least an hour, usually 2-3 hours of sleep. Bad.
Might as well get all the complaints out of the way since I'm on a roll. I realized I never posted about Foodie Penpals. That's because I never received a package. That was really frustrating since I spent a long time thinking about and putting together my package for my penpal. Plus, USPS charged me twice and never reimbursed me. I emailed the girl I was paired up with but I haven't heard back from her. Suspicious. Anyway, if you're interested in seeing what I sent to my penpal you can read about it on her blog.
Boo. This post sucks. Ending on a positive note with this pretty photo of Boston from Georges Island.
Julie!!!!!!!!
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