A Long, Overdue Post!

It's been about a month since I've updated. Things have been incredibly busy over here and I truly didn't have the time or effort to put into blogging. Luckily this is my life and I can do what I want :)

Even so, sometimes when I neglect the blog it's a sign of something else. In the insanity of the last few weeks I feel like a lot has gotten away from me...

1. Eating healthy and food shopping: basically not existent for the last month. I've been eating out 2 meals each day and am just not making good choices in general. No accountability whatsoever.

2. My finances: this is really related to the above. I've been spending more money lately and just feeling indifferent about it. I'm usually super frugal (nice way of calling myself cheap) when it comes to my spending habits but something is just off. I haven't checked my accounts in about a month and I'm honestly afraid to look. First step is admitting you have a problem...?

3. My exercise: between my knee and everything else I've just been totally sedentary lately. I went for a 6 mile walk with my roommate last week and was embarrassed about how much my legs hurt at the end of it. Also, a few weeks ago as I was leaving Vermont I said to my friends, "I wish it wasn't raining so we could go for a hike." As soon as I said it I felt crazy. I am in no shape do a hike up a mountain right now -- I'd probably pass out halfway to the top. I HATED that feeling. I don't ever want to be in the position where I couldn't spontaneously do something active. Being active is something that I spent years incorporating into my lifestyle. I have always been a person who just does work out a few times a week and it's never been that challenging to get myself to the gym or out for a walk or run. What's happening to me? I feel like I've been so lazy and it has to change. First step is going and signing up for my new gym membership.

So the plan is to make a few small changes that will help me with the above 1, 2, and 3. I have a couple of goals for the coming weeks:
1. Sign up for the gym by October 30th. Commit to going twice a week, try for three times.
2. Go food shopping every other week. Don't put pressure on myself to cook extravagant meals or have diverse lunches. I can eat a turkey sandwich every day if I want to!
3. Revert back to basics and try to choose whole foods (fruits and veggies) for snacks.
4. Reduce eating out and LOOK AT BANK STATEMENT. NOW. AS SOON AS THIS POST IS PUBLISHED!

I feel better already.

Before I sign off for the night there's something else I just need to address: running.

Running and I have a love-hate relationship. When things are good, they're real good. When they're bad, they're real bad. Last weekend I was supposed to run a half marathon. Yes, I hit a bump in the road with my hurt knee and deciding not to run on it was a good decision, but if I'm going to be completely honest anywhere it should be here in this little non judgmental space I've created for myself. I think I had decided I wasn't going to run well before I hurt my knee. When my knee started hurting it was like a little gift of God. I had an out. I didn't have to run this half marathon that I'd been dreading basically since the day I signed up for it. I think the problem lied in the fact that I never got excited for the race. In the beginning I thought, "I have 8 months to get excited for this, it will come." But it never did. Running never got easier, whether it was 1 mile or 6 miles, and I never felt like I was ready to commit to a training plan. Although it felt like an easy and obvious choice, deciding not to run was still really hard on me. I felt like a failure and a quitter. It was the first time in my life I felt like I had set a goal and not achieved it because I simply didn't try. There is a huge difference between trying and failing and not trying and failing. What I did wasn't commendable and I don't deserve any "well at least you tried" pats on the back. Now that the half has passed I decided that I needed to shelf the self-criticism and just get over it. I can't beat myself up forever and there will be lots of other races to run. I jumped the gun and signed up for something with the notion that I'd be ready when the time came. I wasn't ready. Next time I will be.

So where do I lie with running today? I want to start from scratch. I recently reread some of my older posts, in one of which I ran for 15 minutes straight for the first time. I was SO proud of myself. I should be proud of myself for these accomplishments even if they seem small comparatively. I'm going to start with walking and work my way up. If I can only run for 5 minutes at first then I'm going to smile and be happy it wasn't 4 minutes. That's that, I'm through with the comparisons, and I'm through with putting myself down.

And now, to end on a super high note...here are some pictures from my life the past few weeks. Enjoy!

P.S. I miss zumba.

Cheesecake at Junior's in Brooklyn!

The greatest 90's band that ever lived

Scaredy cat hiding under my seat

Short rib & truffle mac n' cheese at The Lincoln in Southie

The best 'day off' sandwich from American Provisions

Oyster shuckers at the Boston Fish Festival

So good.

I could eat this everyday

My first attempt at my grandma's meatballs. I think they came out pretty well!

Even though I didn't run, TKO did! And went home with some serious bling.

Cocktails & tacos at a Yelp Event

Obnoxiously large Italian sub

Enchiladas at Papagayo

Too exciting for words!