Allow Endings

According to an early Twitter employee, years ago Jack Dorsey, founder of Twitter, posted his "Life Lessons" on an old blog. Here they are:

• Don't be a jerk
• Don't take anyone for granted
• Enjoy the moment
• Be honest, always
• Be humble
• Be kind
• Respect people's wishes
• Allow endings
• Fail openly
• Have an amazing haircut

As the year comes to an end I find myself getting especially reflective. I think a lot about the year -- who came into my life, who left it, what I did well, what I could have done better, what I hope to continue into the next year, what I want to make sure to leave behind...

I'm a believer in resolutions and goal setting (I particularly liked Matt Frazier's "Defense of New Year's Resolutions"). My friend got me interested in the "law of attraction" years ago and I continue to believe in it -- not in the sense that there is some goddess in the clouds who makes our wishes come true, but that stating out loud our meaningful and positive desires will only clear a path for action, which in turn, helps to make our dreams come true. Setting goals forces us to reflect, makes us look at who we are and who we want to be. The unexamined life is not worth living. Yep, I'm quoting Socrates!

Where am I going with this? Oh yea. Allow endings. I love Jack's simple list of lessons, particularly that one towards the end. Allowing endings is something I continue to struggle with. I tend to think I'm decent at change, but truthfully I'm a mess when it comes to "closing one door so another can open", particularly when it comes to relationships. It is extremely difficult for me to allow the people who I cared about, the people who I have a history with, to leave my life. I spent years trying to keep my last relationship afloat because of our history. I ignored all of the negative aspects of the relationship because I was afraid of what my life would be like without that person. I clung on for dear life even when it was clear he wanted to cut ties. Shouldn't that have been enough? Shouldn't I be able to let someone who wants to leave go?

 

As I get older I'm noticing the same trend with my friendships. Space, distance, and maturity are all contributing to the changes in my friendships, and yet I hold onto them tightly, quietly begging that they stay the same. My life right now is an example of how when you clear out the bad in your life, it only makes room for something positive. It's important for me to remember that. I have to remember to allow endings. This life is not static -- things are constantly changing and trying to nail things or people or situations to the ground only causes resentment and hate.

 

So there we are. My New Year's Goal #1: Keep fighting for what you love, but acknowledge the bad, embrace change, and allow endings.