Graduate

Wow it's been almost a month since I've updated this thing. Unfortunately this is not going to be that great of an update because it's almost 12:30 and I am le tired. Here's a little of what's been going on with me in the past month...

1. I have done VERY little working out...in fact I think this may be the least I've exercised in about 3 years. Eek.
2. I have been eating like a pig. I didn't go food shopping for the last month of school because it felt like people were always wanting to eat out and I didn't want to miss anything. As a result I've put on a few pounds...
3. I graduated from college!!!!
4. I moved back to NY for an unknown amount of time.

So today I decided to dig up my dusty sneakers and attempt to run. It's pretty hard to believe that just a month and a half ago I ran 13 miles without stopping. Today I huffed and puffed my way through 2.5 miles before calling it quits and walking another mile or so. I probably could have kept running but I know myself too well -- if I wear myself out too early I'll just stop. So who cares that I could only run 2.5 miles? I'm sure no one but me! Anyway, I'm happy to be getting back on the exercise wagon. I've been feeling sluggish and tired alll the time and I'm sure my lack of exercise is playing a huge part in it (and the tons of booze and food I've been consuming the past month...)

Being home is nice but the boredom is already starting to hit me. My family and friends are all either working or in school so there's not much to do until 6 PM when my mom comes home. I'm really trying to just enjoy this time I have off but it's tough when all I do is sit in a house full of food. I'm going to try to make somewhat of a plan for tomorrow...

- Wake up
- Eat a small breakfast
- Do day 1 of p90x! (yes, i have illegally downloaded p90x onto my computer and plan to loosely follow it just to attempt to get some weight lifting and varied cardio back into my life without a gym)
- Do a very short run (1 mile?) depending on how i feel after p90x
- Shower
- Eat lunch
- Lay outside and read 1 of the new library books I picked up
- Apply for a job or two
- Go to Target and spend my gift card from Christmas (haha)
- Hopefully it will be 6:00 and Mom will be home to make dinner with and hang out with me :)

Sounds like a fabulous day to me. I'm having a lot of trouble with my eating lately and am going to dedicate a whole post to it very soon...like tomorrow. Maybe I should add it to the list?

This post is getting rather rambly but I just want to leave with one note that I'm pretty proud of: Coming home always brings up a lot of Jonas related emotions, especially this time because there is no real end in sight to my time at home. The thoughts of running into him and the questions of whether I want to see him or not are constantly on my mind. Anyway, tonight while downloading p90x I realized I needed to delete some stuff from my computer in order to make room. In going through my files I came across some videos that Jonas had made for me...mostly of him making goofy faces etc. It was hard, but I decided to delete the videos in order to make space. The fact that I deleted videos that make me feel pain and sadness in order to make space for something that will inevitably make me feel healthier, stronger, and more confident makes me feel incredibly proud of myself and is rather symbolic of how far I've come since this breakup. I still have tons of letter and photos of Jonas on my computer but deleting these videos to make room for something better was a small, but significant step for me.

So that's that. Time for the hilarity that is 30 Rock and bed. Good night!