Sorry I'm Not Sorry

The past week has been pretty crazy. It's funny how I was complaining and complaining that I was so bored, and then suddenly, I just wasn't. On Friday night I hung out with an old friend who happened to be driving to Connecticut the next morning around the same time I planned to go for a graduation party. We left the next morning and I arrived in Fairfield for some fun, friends and lots of food and drinks. Even though it had only been a week since I left college it felt amazing to see my friends from school again. I just feel so comfortable with them and I'm so happy with the little family I've created for myself in Boston. It's just another reminder that I made the right decision in applying to jobs only in Boston. That's where I want to be right now in my life and I can't feel guilty for that.

After the grad party a few of my friends ended up coming back to New York with me for a few days. It was great to have people around and to be able to show two of my best friends my home. I basically took them on an eating tour of Long Island which included an Italian/seafood dinner, pizza, deli subs, etc. We didn't get a chance for any bagels though! Next time I guess :) My family also threw me an amazing graduation dinner at a really wonderful Italian restaurant. It was so nice to see my family again and eat amazing Italian food...plus I had some cool cocktails (watermelon and french martini anyone??!).

So as I've alluded to for the past month and a half or so, my eating and exercise has spun out of control. I pretty much gave up on any attempt to eat healthy or work out during the last few weeks of school and being home has proved to be much more difficult than expected. There is just SO much food in my house. I have found myself constantly bored and therefore always thinking about food. When I live on my own I don't surround myself with snacks or what I used to call "trigger foods" (chips, string cheese etc.) but I can't control that now that I live with my family. It's unfair for me to restrict certain foods in my house just because I have no self control!

So last night I made a decision. I decided to join Weight Watchers. After much research of the new points plus program and discussion with friends I know who are on Weight Watchers, I decided to dedicate myself to 2 months of following the program. Worst case scenario: I hover around this weight and lose $80. I'd take that any day over continuing this steady weight gain.

I don't know why I feel the need to keep justifying this decision and this is going to be the last time I do it. I feel like I shouldn't need weight watchers because I've spent the last 2 years slowly losing weight without a diet plan. I have learned everything I possibly could about nutrition and am fully aware that this is simply a matter of boredom and lack of willpower. It's not that I no longer understand how to eat healthy, exercise, or treat my body well; it's simply that I no longer feel the drive and motivation that I used to.

I always commend people on asking for help, so I should treat myself with the same benevolence. Joining Weight Watchers is my way of asking for help in this. I need to surround myself with people who are on a similar journey, and unfortunately for at least the time being I need a structured way to track my food until I feel comfortable again. I used to disagree pretty heavily with Weight Watchers' program but the new points plus is an extreme improvement. What I'm hoping is that I'll be able to reignite my healthy eating flame by following a program that is very similar to how I was eating in the first place. So that's my justification. I'm not perfect, I need help with this, and sorry I'm not sorry!

So today was my first official day on WW. The damage wasn't as bad as I thought...I gained 6.4 lbs since I had last weighed myself before I became an eating tornado. I enjoyed the meeting and had a great first day. I love the new program, I already feel better, and I'm excited! Day 1 = success.

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