Saying goodbye

My beautiful grandma passed away in the early hours of February 18. After almost a year of suffering from various ailments, she can finally rest easy.

I've felt a mix of emotions this past week -- sadness, guilt, nostalgia, happiness, relief. I find comfort in knowing that my grandma remains alive inside of me in my memories, but also in my present.

I feel her here with all of my senses. I see her when I look at myself in the mirror. I see her when I look at my mom and my sisters. We were the lucky ones who got shades of my grandma's green eyes.

If I close my eyes I can feel her hands. Anytime I was near her my grandma would grasp my hands and smile from ear to ear. Her hands meant comfort, and love, and home.

There are certain smells that I will forever relate to my grandma -- the smell of leather shoes in her closet, the smell of a brand new deck of cards being shuffled, the smell of sauce bubbling on the stove, the smell of ripe, plump figs picked straight off the tree in the front yard.

I know I will spend the rest of my life tasting and re-tasting my meatballs and sauce until they resemble her own -- I will never forget the day I spent making them with her from start to finish. She was adamant that there was no recipe...only a pinch of this and a pinch of that.

Grandma and Roro, Christmas 2013

Grandma and Papa

Summer 2013

My grandma was the warmest and most kindhearted person I'm sure I will ever know. I am endlessly grateful to her for instilling certain values in me.

Be kind to yourself and show compassion for others, no questions asked.

While other things may change, family is the most consistent tie to your past, present and future.

Explore the world and establish your independence; look for a man who makes you smile along the way.

And most importantly, 

Accept others with open arms and a table full of food.