Putting down roots

Back in January when I wrote down my 2016 goals, I mentioned one "big one" that I didn't want to explicitly state on the blog.

That goal was this: figure out my next step in life. Do I want to stay at my job or get a new one? Do I want to go back to school? Do I want to stay in Boston or move to a new city? Which city?

These questions have been on my mind for about two years. At times I felt so sure about my next steps. And at other times I felt stuck, unable to even consider making a decision out of fear of making the wrong one for the wrong reasons.

After consulting with a few of my favorite advice givers over the course of many months, I ultimately decided that while I wanted to stay in Boston for the time being, I was ready to leave the job I had been at for five years. Deciding to stay in Boston was like lifting a weight off my shoulders. Over the past two years I haven't been able to commit to anything; things as small as buying concert tickets 6 months in advance, and as large as applying for local jobs or dating guys who I might develop real feelings for. I felt like I was only half living -- letting people and opportunities pass me by, holding onto my past and what's comfortable with an unrelenting grip. I was paralyzed by guilt and fear, terrified of making a wrong choice. Of getting stuck in a place or a position I didn't want to be in.

What I eventually realized is that in my life as it is in this very moment, there are no wrong choices. I needed to just trust my gut, embrace as much change as I wanted, and go for it.

I ended up starting a job search in Boston and was quickly recruited for and offered an amazing position. I want to remember this feeling forever. I have always struggled with confidence and this process has built up my worth to new heights. I feel so grateful to be in a position where I have a secure job and am able to simultaneously look for and find another that has the potential to make me happier and more fulfilled. I feel so lucky that I went to a school that valued professional development and got me my first job, which has given my such a broad range of desirable skills and experience that I barely had to spend 10 minutes searching for jobs to get one. My current colleagues and work friends have made me feel so special over the last few weeks, and I just feel so excited about this new chapter in my life.

I'm literally beaming with pride and happiness lately. I'm so excited to re-put down my roots in Boston. To continue my career here. To explore new areas. To make new friends. Maybe to fall in love again.

Who knows what's to come, but I'm feeling optimistic!