Today I realized something...actually last night (today just sounds better). As I put together a feta, spinach and turkey burger topped with salsa and stuck between two toasted pieces of whole wheat bread I started to think, cooking is becoming my passion. I'm definitely not there yet, but I know that once I have my own place, own things etc. I will embrace cooking wholeheartedly.
The start of this love affair with cooking unfortunately began with the end of another. I've always loved food. I loved going out to eat, eating with family or friends or boyfriends, writing about restaurants, being in a restaurant environment, but cooking was just never something I could get that hang of. When things with Jonas ended last June, everyone kept telling me I had to find ways to spend my time on my own; I had to find a new passion. "But I've been living on my own in Boston for four years!" I whined and whined. The truth is, I didn't even know myself. Every single choice I made involved Jonas, whether it was as small as not buying that one last wooden bowl in South Africa so we could get bagels together as soon as I got home, or as large as missing out on New Years Eve in NYC with my friends so I could spend it with him at home. Most of my spare time was spent talking to him or thinking about him; even though technically we were away from each other, we never really were.
When I moved back to Boston this summer I was a complete mess. My mind would only be occupied with thoughts of him, and I'm talking 24/7. And that's where cooking came in. In the midst of my boredom and depression with my sudden massive amounts of free time, I slowly started to experiment...making my own pizzas, trying avocados and baking homemade french fries, and eventually coming up with my own sauces and soups. It turns out that cooking was the ONLY thing that could occupy my mind fully. It was my only escape and I have willingly thrown myself over to it. The other night I made a beautiful beef broth based soup with onions, cabbage, tomatoes, dark greens, garlic, elbow noodles, cannelloni and kidney beans and a variety of fun herbs and spices. I stood over my stove looking at my creation with a genuine smile, taking in the scents and heat of the stove.
I love watching whole ingredients transform into something new and beautiful. I love my spice rack...I love gently banging the tubes of spices to see them sprinkle into a pot. I love the smells, I love the calculations, I love the measuring, I love the creativity. When I cook I am in my own world, concentrating solely on the food. Every meal is a small reward and I can feel myself healing with each attempt at creating something new, healthy and homemade.
I'm still a bit of a mess, but at least I have something else to lean on. So here is my bit of thanks to cooking, recipes, and all things food :)
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