Sweating the Small Stuff

A giant rugby player stepped on my foot Saturday night. I haven’t been able to put sneakers on since, which means very limited workouts for this girl. I cannot believe how frustrated I was last night. I had scheduled a personal training appointment to be followed by my favorite activity, zumba, and because of this ridiculous foot I had to cancel both. I bitched to my roommate and stomped my (not bruised) foot as I reluctantly clicked the “cancel appointment” button on my laptop. I wound up doing some measly push-ups and sit-ups before heading back into bed with a pout.

I wish I could have taken this small frustration and dusted that dirt off my shoulder with an easy “oh well”. After all, this is just a swollen bruise, it should be gone by Friday! Instead, my thoughts started spiraling out of control. It started small with a “great, now I won’t be able to run as far as I did last Friday because I’m taking a few days off”, to “when did I start to care so much about running?” and then to “uh oh, I think I’m addicted to exercise.” Taking 3 days off of exercise felt like a lifetime, and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. What’s going to happen to me if I get a real injury, not just some measly bruise?

It seems in all my moments of frustration, anger or negativity my thoughts always head back to Jonas. I suddenly started thinking, “Screw Jonas! It’s his fault that I’m obsessed with exercise. If he never ended things I wouldn't have had to find something else to obsess over. If he still loved me I wouldn’t have to work out as much and then none of this would matter!” In my stronger state (like right now) I want to tell the panicky and frustrated Julie of last night to shut the f up and enjoy the live episode of The Biggest Loser. This situation has nothing to do with Jonas, it has to do with the fact that the captain of our rugby team got drunk, got in a fight, and my little left foot got in the way. It scares me that while I have come a long way in this post-breakup time, my emotions run wild when even the tiniest thing goes wrong. My foot gets stepped on and in my mind, everything around me starts to fall apart.

It took some stepping back last night to realize that this is not a big deal. I'll be back to my normal schedule in a few days, and in the meantime should enjoy some extra R&R. I really need to stop sweating the small stuff.